long long story..

its been months since my broke up..
and i still couldnt realli get over it..
what am i realli doing..
is nothing.. passing daily lives...
getting realli busy with whatever that may come..
work myself out..
and still.. i couldnt realli let go..

and there's frens who was like
"eh after all she did to u, u still wan hold on meh?"
well..
its not that simple..
i do love and cherish her so much..
i love her? why?

firstly, shes the one who supports me
whenever and whenever i needed it..
she alwiz encourages..
rarely discourages..

2nd, i feel realli comfortable being with her..
as if.. that shes already a part of me for a long time
i do not fake anything nor attitude when im with her..
she might not like this.. but.. i like the way it feels..
so so so at home..

3rd, i "thought" we could last..
thought oni okay.. din made it thou..
but at least.. iw anted it to last..
theres a lot more..
but my mind's not reminding any of them for the moment..

but that's not what she had been thinking bout...
she's just thinking bout
"oh i don get enuf love~ lets fuck another guy tonight"
yeah.. thats it..
and what she said? im not good nuff for u etc etc..
thats what i get man..
not angry or sad now.. just.. hmmm..
blank?

and u know wad.. she said..
"its not that i don wana give another chance to u or
move on with u"
"its just that i have a lesson to learn~"
i was like.. huh? wad lesson?
wad ur gonna do to learn it??
get STD ?

BUT

i msged her one fine day..
and told her that i wanted to let go and forget bout it all
and i thanked her for being a part of my life..
for a few times.. =/

why do i wana say such things?
cari pasal?
no.. i believe when i tell her these..
i must prove to myself that..
i will do whatever i said..
am i being to confusing?
sometimes, i wanted to her..
but now.. i say i wana give up and all shit.
but i cant bear to holdmyself in this miserable emotional life..
it cant go on..
in fact.. its just so retarded to hope on to someone
who doesnt even wana take a lloook at u..
someone who doesnt even wana give a damn..
stupid right? if feelings can be controlled this easily,
there would be a perfect world
conclusion, i couldnt control it as well..

i Forget bout u...
cuz u've seems to have forgotten bout me..
i Let go..
cuz u already did that long ago..
i Leave..
cuz u've already left me.. all alone facing all this shits..
i'll Ignore..
cuz u did the same..

no point.. forcing myself..
putting myself in a situation where.. i will work myself up..
whatever she does... dont matter anymore..
ill try not to...
and what for.. i have sleepless nights...
oni her? huh. pathetic huh?

and who does she think she is?
going around breaking hearts...
shes gonna get a cold..

-KayLix@MM Gum Yuen-