u love life, life's gonna love u even more...
well..
when u don have a good word to put up for a sentence,
i read it somewhere
a split is NOT the end. If you realise that you didn't want it to end like this; tell her you don't want it to end. Retain her in your life... and don't be like me. I threw away some good loves due to my failure to ask my other half to come back... and now I hope that in this current one, I will not make the same mistake.
差一点你就是我的女人
cha yi dian ni jiu shi wo de nv ren
Just a little more, and you would be my woman
差一些手牵手的完整
cha yi xie shou qian shou de wan zheng
Just a little more, then there will be the completeness of holding hands
却在对的时间错过对的人
que zai dui de shi jian cuo guo dui de ren
But at the right time I missed the right person
抓不住幸福时分
zhua bu zhu xing fu shi fen
Unable to hold onto happiness
遇上了错的人
yu shang le cuo de ren jian
Met the wrong person
渐渐的吻在她无心的嘴唇
jian jian de wen zai ta wu xin de zui chun
The gradual kiss stays on her heartless lips
感觉像一个旅程
gan jue xiang yi ge lv cheng
It felt like a vacation
走完了就分
zou wan le jiu fen
Once it was over, we would part
错过了对的人
cuo guo le dui de ren
Passed over the right person
决定就只在那一秒那一分
jue ding jiu shi za na yi miao na yi fen
Decided at that minute, at that second
爱情的岔口
ai qing de cha kou
At love’s fork in the road
你是我等不到的路人
ni shi wo deng bu dao de lu ren
You are the pedestrian I won’t be able to wait for
差一点你就是我的女人
cha yi dian ni jiu shi wo de nv ren
Just a little more, and you would be my woman
差一些就和你共度一生
cha yi xie jiu shi he ni gong du yi sheng
Just a little more, I would be able to spend the rest of my life with you
因为对的时间对的人
yin wei dui de shi jian dui de ren
Because the right person at the right time
就值得我为你奋不顾身
jiu zhi de wo wei ni fen bu gu shen
Is worth me exerting myself without consideration to my body
差一点你就是我的女人
cha yi dian ni jiu shi wo de nv ren
Just a little more, and you would be my woman
差一些手牵手的完整
cha yi xie shou qian shou de wan zheng
Just a little more, then there will be the completeness of holding hands
却在对的时间错过对的人
que zai dui de shi jian cuo guo dui de ren
But at the right time I missed the right person
抓不住幸福时分
zhua bu zhu xing fu shi fen
Unable to hold onto happiness
错过了对的人
cuo guo le dui de ren
Passing over the right person
决定就只在那一秒那一分
jue ding jiu zhi zai na yi miao na yi miao
Decided at that minute, at that second
如果没缘分
ru guo mei yuan fen
If there is no fate
我也会固执的为你一人
wo ye hui gu zhi de wei ni yi ren
I will still stubbornly be because of you
差一点你就是我的女人
cha yi dian ni jiu shi wo de nv ren
Just a little more, and you would be my woman
差一些就和你共度一生
cha yi xie jiu shi he ni gong du yi sheng
Just a little more, I would be able to spend the rest of my life with you
因为对的时间对的人
yin wei dui de shi jian dui de ren
Because the right person at the right time
就值得我为你奋不顾身
jiu zhi de wo wei ni fen bu gu shen
Is worth me exerting myself without consideration to my body
差一点你就是我的女人
cha yi dian ni jiu shi wo de nv ren
Just a little more, and you would be my woman
差一些手牵手的完整
cha yi xie shou qian shou de wan zheng
Just a little more, then there will be the completeness of holding hands
却在对的时间错过对的人
que zai dui de shi jian cuo guo dui de ren
But at the right time I missed the right person
抓不住幸福时分
zhua bu zhu xing fu shi fen
Unable to hold onto happiness
with translation and pinyin..
cuz i don realli und all of the words he sang...
so i googled it..
thats what google are for XD
-KayLix @ Songs-
ok good..
im partially drunk..
and what im gonna blog's gonna b sensitive..
if u cant tahan..
just leave the blog..
its not a emo post..
JUST A DUMB POST BY A DUMB GUY..
expressing his feelings..
oh yeah..
i still misses you..
and i don know if u do..
its not that..
i cant get other girls outside or..
i cant just let go of u..
perhaps..
i just felt that ur the one..
and i want to hold on to it..
i dont want to let go..
i dont want to...
for this time,
im not just gonna give up liek this...
i shouldnt be calling uthis,
but baby,
feel's not everything,
love's not everything..
is this..
faith to continue holding on..
and continue hoping..
i know..
what i dreamt and what i hope..
might not be the thing that will happen.
but no harm giving another try..
u dont know how much i misses you..
perhaps.. u know and u dont..
i don know anything bout u..
perhaps..
u might have feelings for other already..
i don know..
i just wish that i could know a lil something bout u...
i don even dare to msn or fb u..
i don know what i can do..
this loneliness..
cant be filled by jsut any others..
and this is true..
and what ur hoping and waiting for..
might not be me..
and im just blogging to realli tell what i felt..
i miss every moment that we've been thru..
i miss u..
i miss the way we used to be..
i miss..
my promising life partner that
doesnt realli work...
perhaps.. u just don feel all this anymore..
mayb to u,
now im just a passer by..
so randomly walked and get passed u..
so easily to be forgotten..
mayb im even forgotten..
so easily that..
no words could comprehend..
will it be dumb to wait for u til u come here in KL?
WIL IT?
-KayLix @ ImWaiting-
ok.. im not being emo now here ok!
its just that..
something's missing..
missing someone?
could it be?
dont know!
if it happens to be,
ntg could be helped den..
as i wont realli start talking..
or i wont suddenly find and talk..
kesian u tao..
put on a monkey show
to show totally the opposite of what ur feeling.
but so far so good..
coping up with it..
so many things to confess..
so many things to share..
so many truths to be reveal..
but who cares?
no one does..
and again..
im not EMO-ing wokey?
this feeling is much better than being emo.. XD
most probably u dah berpunya or so so
as i din go and stalk u..
din even asked about u..
let it be bah..
if the way u r now ur much more happier with it..
i din stalk any profiles..
and i just stalk my own phone..
and i search for things in my phone,
there's still some pics that we're stil in kl..
heheh.. i tot ive deleted all pics..
but left a few..
with the couple shirt, fullhouse, lorenzo,
and the event u missed out when
nel's tayar get stolen..
bet that's all that is left inside..
wanted to delete...
but hell.. i see it every night b4 bed..
at least ill have a lil lil smile..
AND IM NOT BEING EMO OR WHAT SHIT here ok?
its just...
this sweet feelings. still lingers around..
around me especially.
and.. i miss every single moment of it..
hmmm...
life.. couldnt get enough of it..
so i gotta go.. and try sleeeping..
needa wake up at 6.30 to climb mountains..
and nights frens..
nights world..
nights whatever it is!
-KayLix @ SweetHoneyBee-
ntg specific to blog about..
seems like i lost interest in doing things that i wanted to do..
not to say lost interest..
is just that im alwayz tired..
alwiz alwiz tired..
God knows why.. and whats happening inside my body..
Damnnnnnnnnnnnnn..
gonna be returning to kl soon..
in less den a week's time...
den starts my 5th sem..
and wow... time seriously FLIES!!!!!
its been a year and 4 months im in KL
and yet... what happened thru-out this 1 year..
is still fresh in my mind..
how i got my new friends..
how i got things happened..
heheh..
yeah.. mayb..
im quite good in remembering things..
that i tot i couldnt rmb..
passive memories..
loving it.. and enjoying every single moment of it..
-KayLix @ I Don't Not I Can't-
i am not even a reflection..
i am so fake..
so unreal..
so untruthful..
so many untold feelings..
so many fake actions..
so many things..
that is real..
that i did not voice out =)
-kayLix@FAke-
well..
theres alot of people..
even myself.. do have prayers..
and wishes..
well the thing is....
i heard it somewhere in a movie..
i forgot what the movie is..
it says..
"if u pray for happiness, will happiness just appears infront of u?"
"or ur given a chance to be happi and learn how to be happi?"
because we humans..
are.. seriously not good at appreciating things..
and making things worst..
we take almost everything for granted...
except for the things that we earned for it..
that we hardly earned for it..
well.. most of us failed to appreciate.
especially our loved ones..
and example..
i failed...
sometimes.. its beyond words where i could love somebody..
perhaps..
im just not good at expressing it yet...
instead.. i express it the wrong way..
which can be interpreted wrongly...
i may not have enough patience or whaeva it is needed..
but as i pray for patience,
i pondered, does it realli exist?
as i was thinking over and over and over again,
i found out that..
there were many times i were given the chance to be patience,
but i did not do it in the correct way...
knowing this, i know that i must take the first step..
towards wad i reali what..
i cant eeven handle my own self..
in future, how can i even take care of someone else?
like my gf my wife etc..
and.. i did prayed for patience and a true love..
and i know that i were given a chance to be patience..
but true love..
i think...
i was given a chance too.. to be in a true love..
just that.. both party screwed up..
but realli to think about it,
should i just give up on it..
without another try???
ya larrr..
what to do ..
im a thinker..
and im not realli sad over it..
and actually just avoiding it..
I AM A THINKER...
i think alot!
its just a way of me..
i thinks about everything..
every single thing around me..
oh.. i just went out of topic.. LOL
just.. nvm............
-KayLix @ Hmmm-
one thing for sure..
i hate KL when sem's over..
alone here with nothing to do..
but to face the 4 walls in my room..
and i hate to be alone..
feels like..
the whole world had just abandoned
and ignored me..
unwanted memories haunt me
when im alone..
sitting there.. doing ntg..
sick of doing anything..
and there,
shitty feeling comes..
yeah..
i don know why..
i tried my best to just ignore?
and not to rmb anything?
and yet.
its here..
bugging my lonely mind..
mayb sis's right
"oni u urself will suffer n she's living a fucking good life"
y am i being dumb?
mayb im the dumb one here..
but.. i..
i have nothing more to say nor
to blog about..
this sucks..
i once said..
i will let go..
i don even want to see u..
but i bumped into u..
when i doesnt wana see u the most
i keep telling myself that..
no matter what i do or
what i hope for..
it wouldnt change a thing..
not a thing..
so.. i go around..
doing things..
that i thought could at least..
take this soul-less mind away
for a moment..
just a moment..
ive gt to admit..
that there's not 1 moment..
that i did not miss u..
that i did not think about u..
but still..
all these hopeless thoughts..
have to be removed..
completely..
It Took Years To Forget Bout Someone
I Don't Know Even Know Why I Love..
How Long Will It Take For Some I Know
Why I Love?
- KayLix @ The Idiot Guy -
hmmmm... its 3.17am now...
i cant seems to fall asleep..
not anytime now i guess..
and im wondering why...
feeling so heavy to leave ipoh
to go back to kl....
hmmm..
as tho its like im leaving for the very very
FIRST TIME...
mayb i had back here in ipoh...
and going back there...
i will be all alone in my own room..
just sitting in front of this square box whole day long..
and...
i realli do believe the sentence
"the world is damn small"
i was at my fren's bro's son's 1month bday..
i don even know why she invited me there too..
lol.. but nvm..
as i was eating, suddenly the host said
"ui, ur ex stock"
at first i was like.. diu.. she gao siu one lor...
den everyone looked there..
i turned my head also la...
ternampak pulak..
was quite surprised tho..
indeed the world's damn damn small..!
neway..
i went to club last nite..
with some of the buddies and some unknowns..
opened few buckets of beer..
which i did not realli contribute..
so i minum ajer..
and i kena dui lam.. LOL..
another guy keep catching me back...
saying "y u kao my lui/sis?"
i don realli rmb..
and he keep stuff beers into my mouth..
drink lor..
suddenly i saw one like cocktail like tat one..
i tot wana dui geh..
see see.. later on got another tower one..
i ran away..LOL
tak nak kena kuat geh benda..
as i was quite drunk and
i don wana go home like a piece of jerk..
escape lor...
so the night went on... and..
went home..
VOMIT...
try to sleep..
VOMIT..
pening like fark weh...
vomit isnot anything..
VOMIT GAS..
sunfoo lan dou....
so i give up drinking for the moment..
still..
this realli heavy feeling subsides in me..
which i don realli know why..
i guess ill be missing ipoh and...
my parents especially..
*i have soup almost everyday*
thanks MOM!
weeeeeee~
mom's soup the best.. no1 can fite i tel u..
and then my frens...
had some great time with them..
im gonna realli be alone in KL..
as my oni person i can find is having exam..
guess i wont be bothering him..
so.. i have to go thru all these alone..
realli alone.. =(
"Perhaps being selfish aint that bad. at least you dont need to care bout anyone. Just Ourselves."
-KayLix @ Heavy-
before u proceed,
if u think that im
pathetic,
attention seeking,
idiotic,
or whatsoever
u can name it,
just..
FUCKING LEAVE THIS BLOG..
i ain't begging anyone to read...
so if u think that im at
least even pathetic,
JUST FUCK OFF...
i blog to express whatever shit i go thru..
not for u to judge whoever i am...
sometimes,
life is like...
getting a newly bought toy..
u get realli realli happi and excited for what's
inside and..
ur waiting for the stunts that the toy can do..
*ur easily amazed and surprised*
guess what...
u'll play with it daily rite...
den time passes...
and yeah...
u get bored of that new toy...
fyi: first day = new... second day = old liao.. 2days old liao marh. haha
u ma luen luen throw away ur toy lor...
here buang there buang..
then the damn toy.. head come off.
dick come off..
what shit also come off..
eventually.. it will end up in a RUBBISH bin
ngam mou?
but this don't realli apply to me..
ok let's start from the morning..
i wake up.. feeling like P.Diddy...
Nah... just some crap...
i wake up...
follow parents for lunch...
i mean the time ill wake up is..
around 2?
surely have a cup of coffee..
cuz im in ipoh..
and there's time where i need some..
thing...
u know..
some thing...
so i take coffeee as the sub..
and guess what... i reach home..
continue sleeping..
i din know i can sleep after coffee..
well.. nvm.. sleep til its time to dinner...
wake up, dinner........
den wait for phone calls..
or make some phone calls..
to get my ass off the house..
return home.. bath..
online.. blog... and.. sleep..
since im back,
this is my life..
predictable, unexcited..
and.. its a dull dull life..
and .. i hate dull life!
looking at the mirror..
i cant really see who i am..
im even worst tempered now..
doing things that im not supposed to..
i was like...
what the helll......
hmmmm.. pale looking dude..
with no sparks in the eyes blogging here...
trying his best to sleep...
nights
-KayLix @ WhoAmI-
ive got a nice topic to blog about few days ago..
when i just reached ipoh..
but i forgot what i wanted to blog about..
i just remembered that its a nice topic..
not a emo or shooting topic..
but its just a lesson???
i shall rest the whole day at home tomolo..
thinking wad was that topic about..
i cant and wont go out i think..
been out since i came back and..
i came back like... quite late...
parents nag lor..
if im in KL.. dun come back also nvm.. hahah
fact is.. IM NOT... but
i have aircond here in ipoh.. much better XD
-KayLix @ MemoryLost-
its been months since my broke up..
and i still couldnt realli get over it..
what am i realli doing..
is nothing.. passing daily lives...
getting realli busy with whatever that may come..
work myself out..
and still.. i couldnt realli let go..
and there's frens who was like
"eh after all she did to u, u still wan hold on meh?"
well..
its not that simple..
i do love and cherish her so much..
i love her? why?
firstly, shes the one who supports me
whenever and whenever i needed it..
she alwiz encourages..
rarely discourages..
2nd, i feel realli comfortable being with her..
as if.. that shes already a part of me for a long time
i do not fake anything nor attitude when im with her..
she might not like this.. but.. i like the way it feels..
so so so at home..
3rd, i "thought" we could last..
thought oni okay.. din made it thou..
but at least.. iw anted it to last..
theres a lot more..
but my mind's not reminding any of them for the moment..
but that's not what she had been thinking bout...
she's just thinking bout
"oh i don get enuf love~ lets fuck another guy tonight"
yeah.. thats it..
and what she said? im not good nuff for u etc etc..
thats what i get man..
not angry or sad now.. just.. hmmm..
blank?
and u know wad.. she said..
"its not that i don wana give another chance to u or
move on with u"
"its just that i have a lesson to learn~"
i was like.. huh? wad lesson?
wad ur gonna do to learn it??
get STD ?
BUT
i msged her one fine day..
and told her that i wanted to let go and forget bout it all
and i thanked her for being a part of my life..
for a few times.. =/
why do i wana say such things?
cari pasal?
no.. i believe when i tell her these..
i must prove to myself that..
i will do whatever i said..
am i being to confusing?
sometimes, i wanted to her..
but now.. i say i wana give up and all shit.
but i cant bear to holdmyself in this miserable emotional life..
it cant go on..
in fact.. its just so retarded to hope on to someone
who doesnt even wana take a lloook at u..
someone who doesnt even wana give a damn..
stupid right? if feelings can be controlled this easily,
there would be a perfect world
conclusion, i couldnt control it as well..
i Forget bout u...
cuz u've seems to have forgotten bout me..
i Let go..
cuz u already did that long ago..
i Leave..
cuz u've already left me.. all alone facing all this shits..
i'll Ignore..
cuz u did the same..
no point.. forcing myself..
putting myself in a situation where.. i will work myself up..
whatever she does... dont matter anymore..
ill try not to...
and what for.. i have sleepless nights...
oni her? huh. pathetic huh?
and who does she think she is?
going around breaking hearts...
shes gonna get a cold..
-KayLix@MM Gum Yuen-
hmmm..
overall.. i would rate it 4/5
and for the finale of the show,
i would rate it 4.8/5...
all the best parts came out 20mins
before the show ends....
and there's lessons of life in the movie too..
love it.. and its NOT a waste to WATCH IT...
so..
WATCH IT..
EXPERIENCE IT..
LOVE IT..
FEEL IT..
Let's Fall In Love Again
Let’s pretend baby
That you’ve just met me
And I’ve never seen you before
I’ll tell all my friends
That I think you’re starin’
And you say the same to yours
And oh, we’ll dance around it all night
And then I’ll follow you outside
And try to open up my mouth
And nothing comes out right
And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don’t have to try
It’s so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it’s so funny
Let’s just think about it, honey
Let’s just fall in love again
I’ll call you in three days
And I’ll ask your roommate if you’re home
You call me on Thursday
And we’ll hang out all day
Then fall asleep on the phone
And oh, I’ll hold your hand when we drive
And we’ll lose track of all the time
And we’ll tell everyone
That we ain’t never felt so alive
And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don’t have to try
It’s so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it’s so funny
Let’s just think about it, honey
Let’s just fall in love again
We’ll fall disgustingly fast
And we’ll stop hangin’ out with friends
And they’ll be so offended
And I wanna fall in love with you again
I don’t have to try
It’s so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because it’s so funny
Let’s just think about it, honey
Let’s just fall in love again
Let’s just fall in love again
So, let’s just fall in love again
------------------------------------------
come to think of it,
again?
haha... quite funny tho...
who will it be??
i was like again...
and pls... not the one i don want pls..
hahahahahaha...
i want my nightmare...
i don wan.. "chubby" girls..
hahahahahahahah
im drunk....
i did not drink..
but im drunk...
LOL...
off to sleep..
exam tomorrow...!
-KayLix @ Again-
i wanted to blog but there is not much time for me to blog..
been out day to night.....
and i cant sleep late...
parent's here nagging...
so i have to roll on the bed till im asleep....
hmmmmm
neutral days for me ... =/
-KayLix @ Wont Give Up-
thinkin of..
what will it help if i stay so emo..
totally ntg?
builds up negative stuff oni..
what will it help? if i stay like this...
ill oni hurt myself..
mayb i should live happily..
thats what u wanted me to..
live as i should be..
with or without you..
why wana whine over stuffs that is the past?
i myself din appreciate it..
why wana whine bout it?
it my own mistakes that i have to face
the consequences..
no me..
not so much prob..
even we din made it up as a couple now..
i believe what u really want is for me to live happily..
thats what i wish for you as well..
perhaps this break up is healthy and good for us as well..
if ur not happi when ur with me,
why would i still wan u to be with me?
aint i being too selfish?
perhaps.. i shall wait..
no i mean not wait..
"sun kei ji yin" till the day ur here working in KL mayb?
let the flow go as it should be..
study hard for this less den 1 year...
mayb start to work after my Dip..
den see what position God puts us into..
if there's a chance to, i'll fall for you over and over again..
and again...
this feeling will never change =)
-KayLix @ Turning Over The New Leaf-
ill wait for you..
i read your blog..
the same post..
over and over again.
and everytime as i was reading..
tears flooded my eyes..
and i don know why..
but i did not cry..
i don know if u still read mine..
mayb no?
mayb yes?
will u still read mine?
supposingly, if ntg bad happened,
2 more days and its our half a year anni..
too bad..
things went wrong..
and we did not even went past the 5th month..
time flies huh?
we've broke up bout 2months?
to be exact.. its the 7th week?
i think.. lost count..
yes.. im too faithful in love..
and everytime i fall out of love..
its just the worst feeling i could ever get..
u said in ur blog.. every couples hate that sentence
"lets be friends"
i myself.. hated it very much too..
it cant he helped but it makes me feel so lost..
was reading ur old post when we was together..
and.. u said..
when we've together, everything feels so right..
etc etc. etc...
and those words u said there..
again.. flood my eyes with tears..
i cant believe that...
now..
your no more a part in my life..
when you wants something so much..
then its up to God to give u or not..
whether im worth it or not..
other than blog..
i don know where can i put my feelings on..
same old grandma stories will get everyone tired
of me and my stories..
so i chose..
not to tell anyone..
keep it all by myself..
and come home...
blog about it..
everywhere i go..
here in KL..
seriously.. everywhere..
leaves a memory of you..
the place i go from morning til night..
till i return back to my own house..
have a memory of you..
and i remembered things that
i din know that i would remember..
random things..
so random that ive nvr tot ill remember them..
today, 26th august..
i wanted to send u a msg..
but i held back.. i typed it.. but i did not send it..
i kept in back in my draft..
"i once told myself that it'll be the last time i'm attaching with you years ago. but years later, i came to a point where im in love again. with you. i don't know how to express how much i love u, how much i realli care, and how much u meant to me. i dont know how.. and perhaps ive shown it the wrong way. But if im allowed to, ill fall for you over and over again."
here.. my super emo post.. i don know why but i feel so..
living without you.. is not like the world's ending..
living without you.. is like ive lost a part of myself..
feeling disabled..
yes.. i do have frens... but the feelings given..
is not the same..
and here.. its 2 months ago..
my eyes will still flood with tears..
even this very moment..
just wana say..
i love u so much..
and i wan u to be a part of me as well..
i love u so so much...
yes.. this may sound fake...
but i just do..
i just love you..
perhaps, u've erased me off..
forgotten bout me..
i don know..
i wana get you back..
so so much...
- I Wanted To.. But I Have No Bravery To -
ive got so much more to blog about..
i don know..
it seems like ive got a whole train of feelings..
so so so much to be told..
so so so much to be expressed..
so so so much that is hidden..
i should stop here...
- KayLix @ Till Love Meet Me Again -
im freaking freaking freakin scared now...
WTF WTF WTF...
i had my dinner as usual...
den i went back home.....
and i went to bath...
as i was bathing....
i suddenly wana puke..
den.. i tahan lar..
den beh tahan d.. i vomitted...
and guess what.. there's lots blood stains on it..
so i try to think more... did i eat anything reddish today?
NO! its all soup based stuff...
and i tried to check those stuff i vomitted..
again.. its blood..
and my tummy's aching now...
oh fuck...
what shit happened????????????????????????????
I DON WANA GO FOR A MEDICAL CHECK UP!
I DON WANT!!!!!!
-KayLix @ Freaking Out-
i was chatting with a fren of mine juz now..
we were talking bout u know.. "guy's topic"
so there's this fren of mine..
told us that a girl wanted to try having ***
u know wad... with him...
so he said no..
i was like...
Gao~~~!
*in a high pitch*
and my fren said...
cannot leh.. got boyfriend edi..
i was like Gao~~~!
u shud Gao~~~! even more....
but he said..
i still virgin leh... LOL
den i told him 3 reasons why he shud Gao~~~!
aha.
1) cuz its shuang!
2) cuz the perempuan cari keji..
3) ur a guy.. u wont lose anything..
and he was like... think ha sin..
hahaha.. what am i teaching to people..
sounds so unright..
so so so so unright..
not right! hahah.
b4 he left
i said..
"wait for ur good news"
aha.. feel like slapping myself for saying those shit..
asking people to do it but i din do it when im in the same situation
hahaha...
back home
alone or not
i still feel this emptiness
within me.
why do i still feel so?
im doing things that i love
im doing it with my buddies
i got companied all the time.
whenever i want to.
i got all the things i wanted.
i don get enough sleep
at all.
eye bags alot bigger
heavier
darker eye rings.
pimplesss... zzz
im tired.
but i cant seems to fall asleep.
why cant i?
i want to.
is this what we call
miss?
am i really missing you that much?
so much til this extend?
im not superman.
even superman
feels bad sometimes.
even superman misses people
---------------------------------------
Joe Brooks - Superman
There are no words, to paint a picture of you girl
Your eyes, those curves, it's like you're from some other world
You walk my way, oh God is so frustrating.
So why do I disappear when you come near,
It makes me feel so small,
Why do I blow my lines, most every time,
Like I got no chance at all,
If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
'Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am
It aint no lie, I have to tell you how I feel,
Each time, I try it gets a little more unreal,
You said my name, Oh God i cant stop shaking
So why do I disappear when you come near,
It makes me feel so small,
If I could read your mind,
Girl would I find, any trace of me at all.
If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am
If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'Cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
'cause I'm no supermaaaan,
I hope you like me as I am.
-KayLix @ Ain't Superman-
its been days since i blogged..
3 days..
getting realli busy with life..
nah... not realli that busy...
usually appear offline..
dono who or what to talk to..
i onlined today..
and a fren of mine asked..
"how's her?"
i answered
"i don know..we broke up.."
she said..
"don make jokes on things like this!"
i hope its a joke as well..
so..
she did said
"if u realli love her, get her back."
all i answered was
"its not that easy"
thats all i could answer or say..
ntg much ntg more..
ok.. now ive settles all my assignments..
ntg much to look forward to until the next sem..
ntg to look forward to at all..
shifting house perhaps?
after that?
i think ill be staying in KL til i start another sem..
dont know where to head to..
just pass the days slowly and slowly..
and..
slowly.. the time passes...
and...
im still feeling the emptiness within me?
or i was just thinking too much?
mayb.. its just me and my creative brain of mine..
hehe..
mayb the thingy called love..
did not disappear?
or mayb.. im just thinking too much again?
takes time to forget someone
who matters so much sometimes..
or.. forgetting some is just impossible..
cause.. they already left a good or a bad mark..
within us? its.. not possible...
at all..
-KayLix @ Empty-
so i was talking to one of my fren..
and suddenly.. both of us were in the same situation..
BORING!
den suddenly she said
-
-
-
-
-
| u should hav brought girls back to ur hse hahahaha |
| im not like that |
| then u should be like that |
| i dont want to |
| hahaha man dun lie la |
| im faithful |
| i know u wan t to |
| and im serious seriously i dont |
| okaayyy fineee... |
| i don |
| then u should hav brought me back to ur hse |
co-cu day..
the final day
for my swimming..
life saving..
water polo-ing classes..
i slept at around 9 the night before...
and i woke up few times..
once is around 12.. den 3 , 5 , and 6...
cant realli fall asleep cuz i slept too long..
so knowing that i will participate
in water polo makes me kinda nervous...
so okay la.. i went for my breakfast ALONE
around 7.30.. supposing there's another dude
accompanying me and support me.. sadly..
he arrived at 11.45.. u know who u are.. lol
so i ate 2 half done egg and a cup of milo..
and i proceed to my arena..
and was freaking surprised that..
there was around 200 people around?
gan jeong weh... so there..
registration for event..
den a fren of mine..
bugged me to join the 50M breaststroke..
he bugged for awhile..
so i joined lor.. dowan sou their hing ma..
joined water polo.. and aquatic games as well..
ok.. first event for me..
50M breast stroke..
i was in the second batch..
dive in.. nicely.. where people cheer for u..
and a few girls said "jia you" to u..
ok.. so i dived in.. swim swim swim..
and i manage to be the first for my batch..
not bad huh.. for a fagger.. haha..
after the event completed...
theres some rest time and there's a dude..
i forgot who.. told me that rank 1 - 10 could get a medal prize..
so of course.. i checked the list..
i was the 6TH!! for the whole 50M event..
its timing la..
not bad lor.. tot go in play play jek...
got prize wor.. hahah..
so i went over to kacau girls at the aquatic games arena..
and the dumb referee blew the damn whistle..
and said " those who join water polo cannot play! "
so one third of us left.. haha..
leaving all there girls there..
"yerrr yerrr yerrr"
cuz all the males in out group joined the water polo..
leaving those girls bhind.. haha
so started our first match for the water polo..
it was a total ownage of 3 - 0..
3 forward player.. me, and another 2 teammate..
scored a goal each.. not bad huh!
so the second game.. was 1- 0..
mid forward scored it.. i did shoot..
but kena keeper's tummy as he jumped up..
so the ends the second game..
THIRD GAME..! it was a 2 - 1 game..
again.. our best player.. scored both the goals..
AND I DID SOME SHAOLIN WATER POLO thing..
i did a nice shot from half of the pool and the ball ENTERED!!
and whistle blewed.. * I FOUL *
kanasai.. I FOUL! FOUL SHOT..!
dam 9 dulan...
4th game was right after the 3rd game..
dah la damn tired.. so i slack only..
stay at the spot and take a rest and wait for balls to come to me..
too bad.. i managed to catch a ball.. but kena tekan by a FAT A-O..
so i passed to another dude..
again.. our best player made the shot of the day!
i think the score's 1 - 0..
i have to agree that our defender was good..
our team work was realli good too..
no "poison eat" kaki..
and after the match DJ keep fuck me say i lazy move..
i was like.. tired la macha.. no stamina la macha..
and he kept lecturing.. =,=
kns.. hahahah
so ends all the event.. and
we won..! by marks..! we owned..!
and.. happi la.. again.. come play paly oni..
get another medal..
comes prize giving ceremony..
oni 1st and 2nd could get the medal..
i was like.. alamak.. false hope leh!!
nvm lor.. couldn't expect more ma..
juz a game.. and there goes to our water polo..
we gold A GOLD MEDAL.!
haha.. and guess whats the name of our team??
its KNS BEST... KNS = KANASAI BEST..!!!
LMAO...
Dj was like.. omfg.. the runner up's name "CROCODILE"
dj : "how can a crocodile lose to a piece of shit in water??"
LOL.. so we made it.. as a team..
we win as a team.. we lose as a team..
and played monkey in the pool with the new mui muis..
hahah..
and i met up with some swimming frens at "fancy mee pan mee"
and theres this realli NOISY girl..
quite entertaining tho.. haha
i guess i wont have much chance to meet them again =P
some of the pics...
my teammate with the "lansi" life saving instructor
KNS BEST RAWWKKKSSS!!!!!
my medal.. altho its a cheaplak thing..
but its worth a souvenier in my life..
good memories huh?
not many people have it huh!!
be proud!!
me camwhoring when im back at home..
notice that my nose and cheeks's PINK!
6 hours under the sun.. what can u say?
and there's people saying its cute..
and there's people said that im tanned!!!
thats all memories =D
-KayLix @ MemoRies-
i dont know what to blog about..!
let me think of a topic...
urm.. im blank....
lmao..
browsed the net for 20mins..
yet i don even know what to blog...
lol..
brb..
okay.. its friday the 13th today...
and i read pages of stuff about it..
and i still dun und a shit bout it.. lmao
there's even one A-O blogged and...
said that.. Jesus died on friday...
and there were 13 fellas in the last supper..
lol..
but..
as long as we live right..
whats there to disturb us??
those who do not have peace at heart
will be afraid of all these...
takut balasan la tu...
i mean like...
if u did not do anything so wrong or what..
why believe in superstitions??
even if it happened or what..
it got nothing to do with us right..
they're gonna just pass by or wad..
and its the chinese july..
the un"good" month that many believe in..
hmmmm... but if been out all these days...
believing in nothing except the fact that
i did ntg wrong and i have my God to protect me..
trials may come..
but i know He's faithful to those who are faithful..
right?
hmmm.. i guess im gonna sleep..
"The world's most remote distance, is not life and death,
but it is when I was standing in front of you, yet you do not
know that.....
I love you."
-KayLix @ Dont Get Ur Dick Ripped Of By Jack The Reaper-
LMAO
its okay if u do not know what love is...
theres still time to learn about it..
don't be so ignorant..
and dont fight all these wonderful feelings..
go and know..
wish to know.. and hope to know...
who treats u with a fruitful heart doesnt matter..
as long as ur happi with them..
who used to love u wad...
whos angel or devil..
as long as ur happi with them..
go on..
seriously, y would ppl wana label u bitch
if those things u did is so normal and ok?
thats not the right way to find love..
certainly..
no point knowing if i loved u..
no point knowing if i still love u
no point knowing whether ill love u forever..
y sorry?? we've already broke up..
and now..
i don think we even talk like a fren do..
dont think that youre not worth anyone's love..
everyone.. no matter what they do..
they worth some love.. at least..
a bit...
u may think that you dont worth it...
mayb mine..
not other's....
yeah.. go out get knocked by a car?
what different can u make?
the very fact that ur gone..
is still here within me..
i love and care.. because i saw u needed it..
and because i wanted to...
u wished ur not in any form of relationship..
not even with me?
i guess so...
ur not even happi when ur with me...
whatever u did...
just did.. happened.. past...
and u have to go on with your live...
u watched P.S i love u rite??
people who loves u..
wants u to get over them..
and continue with ur life...
happily...
and i seriously do...
i myself was confused too..
i know what i want..
but i keep myself away from having that kind of thinking..
the loneliness in me was strong too..
perhaps?? its.. empty??
no matter what i do..
how much i do..
it just worth the same...
as my time with you..,
if u realli love that guy ur trying to hook up with,
y not give love another try...
it wont be the same..
yes.. it might hurt me..
but.. i wish that u will get what you want and need too..
as u said.. the YOU you USED to be..
past tense... its the past...
ur history scares you..
but not now anymore...
ur actions kills you...
but not in future..
cuz ur not gonna do dumb stuff..
i saw what you blogged...
not expecting it...
but somehow i just went to your blog and saw it..
-------------------------------------------------------------
my personal feeling is..
of cuz.. i feel happier when im with you..
you felt guilty to give me anymre chance..
of u just dont love me anymore..
even if there's a glimpse of hope,
ill go for it..
cuz i aint giving up on love..
especially on you....
time together might be short...
but its filled with wonders...
the dreams we shared...
the visions we discussed..
like before we started...
u said "i don wana pak san tor"
so that goes to me as well..
a girl that i realli love is hard to find..
and despite everything we go thru..
i still love u the way you are..
cuz i know.. a girl like u is impossible to find..
u did respected love...
just not in a proper way..
if not.. y guilty??
y sorry??
the day i lost u is not the day i lost my hope...
its the day that my heart lost a part of it..
half perhaps??? cuz its taken away...
by those bittersweet memories...
i have diff thinking everyday...
1 day i could hate you..
1 day i could love u...
well i guess...
its just the love THINGY..
plsying with my mind...
u said.. i shud cope with studies now first..
i did.. my best for studies..
like i told everyone else...
"what a girlfriend can give.. is not what other ppl could"
thats why i need you...
God Bless...
-KayLix-
nothing nothing nothing nothing....
I say no..
L ike i don't want...
O ther than never..
V ulgarly never ever..
E nclosed to impossiblilities..
Y es, reluctantly..
O ther than hurt..
U tmost bitterness..
J ust emptiness..
E ntrapped in sadness..
A ddled.. love?hatred?
N ever say never?
,do you know that??
*puzzle in Post*
don even fking know y i did that...
-KayLix@puzzled-
after reading ur blog...
which i din know u will update,
im totally speechless...
TOTALLY SPEECHLESS....
perhaps
i should stay silently where im supposed to be
hide everything again...
not to appear in front of u anymore...
not to mention a thing bout what
had happened...
between u n me...
there's no more hope
no more chance..
no more nothing..
-KayLix@Unhappi*
so what if i love u so much???
u wouldnt even care...
so what if i want you so much???
u wouldnt even want me back...
so what if i think bout u everyday n night???
u wouldnt even do the same...
so what if i misses u so much???
u wont...
so what if i cares for u so much???
u wont care..
so what if i wana see u so much???
u wont even take a glimpse of me...
so what if i wana meet up with u???
ur all busy with the life u had now....
so what???
u wont give a damn....
at all.........
all u said is.....
theres no more love....
and ur in love with someone else.....
thats it....
why would i think of someone
im trying to forget by hating??
why would i miss someone
im trying to delete from my life??
why would i still love someone
who's betrayed me???
why would i still wana see someone
who made me emo-ed for the past 1 month???
why am i being so stupid for someone
like you???
its week 13... im starting to get real free...
and all these starts to haunt me everynight when im alone...
i just don wan alllllll theseeeeeee
I DON WAN IT........
I DON WAN ALL THESE....
I HATE ALL THIS...
I HATE YOU.....
I HATE YOU for leaving me just like nobody's business...
like no one cared....
I HATE YOU for letting IT happen when i was with you...
I HATE YOU for leaving a deep mark and memories in me....
I HATE YOU for leaving all these baggages undone.. unsolved...
left for me alone... to face it.... alone....
to fake like i din even care of it... alone...
like im totally unloved at all... ALONE...
I HATE MYSELF...
I HATE YOU...
I HATE WORLD...
I HATE EVERYTHING...
I HATE LOVE...
hmmm.. back in ipoh for a few days....
then, ntg much happened..
normal ipoh trip ba...
eat ALOT.... yamcha....
snooker........ no clubbing this time dude...
eh.. i went in voodoo for like 15mins??
too noisy... left early...
realli... VOODOOOOOOO SUXXX big time...
just tat.. something's missing...
not realli sure of wht it is...
and oh.. i got drunk in my own house.. lol...
wake movie and drink n drink n dirnk...
fell asleep.. and........ woke up... HEADACHE
dam stupid wehhh....
so im back in KL now....
still......... same....
hmmm.. lack of sumting...
lack of sumting.....
lack.. of sumting...
realli.. sumting...
sumting... sumting....
lack of K powder.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol
-KayLix-
V1
The last kiss tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell
tomorrow at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?
C1
you are always gonna be my love
even if i fall in love with someone else again
i'll remember to love you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until i can sing a new song
V2
the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things i dont want to forget about
tomorrow at this time
ill be crying
i will probably be thinking of you
C2
you'll always be inside my heart
you will have your own place
i hope i have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
its still a sad song
until i can sing a new song
C1
you are always gonna be my love
even if i fall in love with someone else again
i'll remember to love you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until i can sing a new song
now and forever
----------------------------------------------
if the translation form the video is correct....
damn.. i feel damn bad...
ive been listening to this song
without knowing the meaning...
and the meaning is......
DEEP... and... certainly NOT happi...
i don know............
first love......... as the song said....
its... first love....
i feeelllll terrible after listening to this song........
terrible.....
terrible....
-KayLix@Terrible-
I don even have a fucking time to blog!!!!
busy busy busy busy!!!
but it ends here now.. bwahahahahaha
and saying of the day
"ALL VEGETARIAN GO AND DIE PLS"
chao hai... all eat vege geh brain... all useless one...
lecturer.. INDIAN... vegetarian.. eat vege oni..
sohaiiii... no fucking point to prove me wrong...
still wana argue back..
whole college tao dah la u..
worst lecturer in our faculty...
even account students pun kenal..
CHAO CIBAI..
still wana question alot...
when quoted back by me, change point terus..
chao hai... bo brain.. bo brain bo brain...
lecturer.. NVM... TEAMMATE also like tat...
vegetarian geh... all sohai.. God gave us meat to eat...
NOT ONLY VEGE!!!!! talk sohai things...
do sohai things... give sohai opinions.. also nvm..
walan.. do small small thing wan lan 7 lek....
1 sentence for u.. FUCK OFFF....
chao hai u 2 cibai...
eat summor sawi la...
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you'll be as dumb as this..!
fuck u la... so like eat VEGE be COW la...
IF U EAT LIKE A COW, U THINK LIKE A COW!
what for wana waste a slot for humans...
there's alot of animals wanting to be HUMANS...
ASSSSSSHOLLLEEEEESSSS!!!!!!
-KayLix-
p/s : missing u dearly...
ngo hou gua g lei ah..
=(
dim suen???
lei hou mou ar???
ngo hou seng tung lei king gai a...
but kor ngo mm ji yiu kong mea a...
diu.. dim gai i use cantonese one...
aihhhhhhzzzzzzzz
help me..............
dono what i can do now....
feeling helpless..
afraid of talking to u..
just let it be???
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
sometimes i realli wonder did i realli crossed ur mind..
i mean like.. walk pass ur mind...
jump pass..
shadow pass by...
erm... my hair pass by..
my eyes pass by..
my smiles pass by...
the way we are pass by..
u said no...
hmmm...
i quite doubted that...
but who cares..
u say no den no lor..
what can i do right???
hahah..
takkan i wana force ppl say..
"oh i think bout u everynight day etc etc etc etc"
quite.. stupid to do that??
lol...................
i had memories....
good and bad memories.....
"bittersweet" memories...
that dark choc produces...
mmmmmm... dark.. chocs....
where are u.....
ive already finished u....
the last one is in my mouth....
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
-KayLix-
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10..
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z..
what the hell..
i don know what to blog..
feeling rather emotionless..
lost interest in most of the things i do..
just wana stay at home and sleep and sleep and sleep..
other than assignment.. i don feel like doing anything at all..!
no mood to do anything...
and im going back to ipoh this weeked...
bought 44bucks train tix.. thru n flow..
and im broke!
will i get to see u at least once??
wondering.. lol..
don know if i shud expect or hope?
shouldn't? ok.. i should not..
better not put hopes..
later ill juz fall deeper as i climb higher..
hmmmm.. back to ipoh... what should i do??
question is there...
im broke..!!!
broke... emotionally..
broke... physically...
broke ECONOMICALLY...
damnnnnit maaannnnnn...
broke... PUk GAi arrr...
i came home... log in fb... view ur status... view mine...
den ntg to do with fb other than putting sohai statuses...
why am i doing that?
suffering myself??
well...
its not suffering...
its plain miss...
miss miss miss...
cannot miss one meh??
miss jek mar...
nvr do anything also...
diu..
its been days since we talked??
fri or sat i think... today's tuesday...
as im quite busy myself as well..
noon do assignment..
play some games..
evening try to nap..
night go out..
tilll morning...
den sleep.....
wanted to find someone to sms..
but where got so easy la..
suddenly msg ppl meh...
ppl will think that im a sohaiiiiii!
sohai... i am.. to think bout it.. i quite am...
so i hang out til 6 something in the morning last night...
talked bout most things that happened during my secondary school...
lol..
form 1 = innocent... where theres alot of ppl tries to get u into "brotherhood"
form 2 = still quite blur bout the life i need??
form 3 = i joined a "brotherhood" and involved in a fight? for it? how stupid..
form 4 = erm.. thats where my special days come into... PONTENG.. ponteng.. AND PONTENG!!!
form 5 = 1 word.. PONTENG.. attended 1/2 class a week? LMAO...
lower 6 = thats where i begin to get blurred again... knows no one... lonely sial..
upper 6 = the kancil with a dude and 3 girls.. lol...
college = shit and wonders happened thru-out the whole freaking year here... its tiring.. but i learnt alot.. at least......
hmm.. thinking back.. i wana get back to my form 3/4 life.. sounds so much cooler where i am AT LEAST care free... no worries.. no ntg...
hmmm... life...
life...
life...
life...
-KayLix@Life-
i be a fren to u..
cuz i wanted to be with u..
i be with u..
cuz i wanted to love u even more...
i learn to love..
cuz i wanted to love u even more...
i hold ur hands..
cuz ill nvr find any other hand like urs..
i put my hands around u..
cuz ill nvr feel homelier than others..
i leave a kiss on u..
cuz i know u r the one for me too..
i dono wad to blog anymore..
cuz.. i don know what to expect anymore..
i misses u so much..
yet i cant make a sound...
i don wana let u go..
cuz... i don want to..
i don know...
i realli don know...
-KayLix-
i did not say its a lie anymore....
what i meant.. is... i have to fake a smile upon my face..
so that no one would ever know how sad i am...
i have to put on a mask that's so unreal...
ive nvr blame or what...
so be it...
i just wan u to live happily..
find another guy...
mayb the love from u to him will make u forget bout what happened?
perhaps? i don know if that will work...
again...
i dowana be an obstacle in ur life...
not interested to be 1...
im juzt interested to be ur love...
if thats not possible...
just forget bout it...
just 1 truth...
did not mean the rest's a lie....
i know very well
how i felt and how i react towards things...
just... let me be...
dead or alive....
im just afraid.. that...
ill fall deeper in love with u again..........
wanted to if there's any chance...
if there's no chance...
so be it...
-KayLix@Emo-
since there's no love...
there's ntg much to talk about or to hold on already..
don remind me anymore....
i don wana be remembered....
i don wana be an obstacle for u to move on with ur life..
i don wan to be a burden that u cant let go...
just cut this crappy idiot out from ur life...
don care if im happi
or am i able to let u go or not....
there's no love... just let me be...
whoever i wan to be....
what i want to do...
it doesnt realli matter...
there's already no bond between us...
so why wana make urself worry over some passer by?
why?
-KayLix-
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
in love with this song..
gonna post lots of song lyrics..
since i got ntg much to blog for the moment... =D
darn.. blogging had became my habit...!
people said that things that we do 7days in a row
frequently will become out habit...
hahah.. its my habit now...
no matter how tired i am...
im still goonnnnaaaa blogg... =P
-KayLix-
don know what else to blog about....
mayb stuff i saw is just real?
hahaha... over sensitive and over creative...
what to do...
based on my 40 pages of gesture drawings...
i can just have a guess where both the hands leans on....
just put a full stop here...
stop it right here and then....
thats all...
good luck
and above all...
i wish u love =D
take good care and stay faithful and happi
yea what i cock about may not be true...
so... just leave it.. its my blog so gonna talk bout my point of view...
lol.... if not? ur point of view??
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
tonight we dine in hell!!!!
-KayLix-
Lord, please give this Low-Life creature like me a peace of mind...
i wana to be happi cause she'll be happier if she sees that im happi...
i don wan her to live in guilt...
i don wan her to live in suffering...
im very tired...
i cant seems to be happi no matter how positive i try to be...
sun foo...
i know she's unhappi as well..
if i can do something just to make her happi,
ill try my best to do it...
both party happi.. how good...
i cant seems to hide my feelings for her...
everyday is passing just like that...
hoping that there'll be a breakthrough for the both of us...
both start a new life... and just leave the past behind...
i may not worth any1's love..
but not her...
pls.....
i don wana see her suffer anymore...
and i don wana suffer as well...
pls.....
plsss plssss
have mercy on a low life humble creature like me......
i dono where else to go to...
i am indeed unhappi....
i am... how tough it is to put a mask all over my scars....
pls give me my strength to do so.....
-KayLix-
nothing else to blog lurr....
be normal lur..
get attached and get over it...
find another love.. and thats the end of it...
weeeeeeee....
don and cant be sad no matter what...
cuz i don have any feelings....
feeling slightly lighter...
but ada keberatan to do so...
that hwo things are meant to be...
finally.. i see it...
-KayLix @ LoveIt-
ok.. what im thinking now...
im bit drunk so what i say gonna's be quite true as well..
i think...
well its almost a month since i last saw u...
and i still rmb what u wore the last time i saw you...
tho its only 3hours being together...
i still rmb every part of it clearly...
baby... i know i shouldnt be calling u this..
but to me.. ull alwiz be my baby...
had a chat wit my buddy juz now...
3 bottles of carlsberg...
yeah.... i vomited during the "bottoms Up..."
all out was gas.. and some watery stuff??
i first i tot that getting drunk will be alot better...
ends up.. im not that drunk and i don realli get over what happened...
so forget bout it...
getting drunk is not a solution... not at all..
still the empty feelings lingers upon me...
the regrets...
the lost.. and the love...
i had... ive nvr been in love
like the way i had on u...
you ask me to relax and chill....
its not that easy my dear...
itsnot that easy...
nvr that easy....
never ever be that easy....
never....
-KayLix-
1 thing im still clear...
I love you...
2nd thing im clear of..
I misses u...
3rd thing...
i wana be with u so we can continue what we started...
4th thing...
i am willing to change for a better me.. real this time...
5th thing....
is there any chance by so?
eventually we will forget bout each other...
or already had...
just leave it???
leaving me regretting till the end of my life..
that i nvr try to do anything to set everything back..
just leave it...
eventually...
hopefully that i might get over it..
over u.. and over all the memories....
i don know why...
am i still this freaking emo...
sitting here... even i had a day of laughter...
and all... i feel that..
all this is so fake.. perhaps i might be faking it out as well..
i don know.. i don feel a thing...
just.. speechlesss...
fuck it..
today's feelings aint good at all..
jus fuck it....
can someobdy just murder me or what fuck?
frens talk behind my back......
ex gf do sumting else behind my back...
wtf?? fuck all those people...
HATE IT...
im starting to get so disappointed in my life..
so fucking hate it....
so fucking tired of it....
just everything bring disappointment....
EVERYTHING........
fine... ill just trust MYSELF....
depend on MYSELF....
JUST FUCK THIS LIFE...
JUST FUCK IT... IM GETTING REALLI FED UP WITH IT....
FUCK IT!
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
well.. its the 28th of july...
yea... 28th of july...
what is so special about today??
im here to say that.. its not special...
its nothing special to anyone...
not special in any sense to anyone...
but its special to me...
so special that... i don know what reaction should i give...
upon this day... this 28th...
its a very special yet a very sad day??
i think about this time,
exactly 5months ago....
special stuff did happened...
in my life...
guess what....
if there's no1 who knows whats happening,
its my 5th month anniversary...
(supposingly)
yea... supposingly...
but... yeah.. we din made it...
but 28th will remain to be the special day in my life...
and why do stuff that was supposed to be delivered
last week made it today...
as i was outside iwth my frens..
i got a phone call that the stuff's been delivered...
i was like come on... what else can i say??
other than "thank you"
now.. im feeling darnnnn unhappi....
5months... things happened...
come and go...
and it was all so fast....
and i would consider it slow too..
its as like... its been years...
YEARssss... YEARSssss....
what should i be feeeling now??
teach me... i wanted to overcome this
feeling as well...
-KayLix-
i guess i had enuf of rest... for the moment?
altho i did not sleep for bout 40 hours.. lol..
i did not sleep much as i just slept for bout 9 hours...
im feeling not bad...
just that a bit of sorethroat and
abit heaty..
feeling hot so n so...
do not want to sleep so much...
wastes my time...
hmmm...
i still look at our photo everyday...
tho its not in my phone anymore,
i still view thru my comp everyday...
i know... but i just wanted to look at them...
missing u.
-KayLix-
there's this joker..
i don have the idea where the hell he came from..
from india i guess..
addded via castle age...
he asked "tell me something bout japan"
i was like.. wtf?
ive nvr even been to japan...
nvm cut that dickhead out...
back to topic...
dono how long since i slept...
but my body's tired.... mind's still awake....
how long can i stay in this state?
i was like.. so worn out....
so so so worn out....
i tried to sleep juz now...
bt i cant seems to fall asleep...
mayb.. again.. im worrying too much... =/
so be it la... thats the me...
thats the me u couldnt accept...
mayb? who knows.. lol...
so im quite done with my assignments already...
after proposal tomorrow my load's gonna get lighter...
way way lighter... except for my human figure sketching and my TYPO...
damn typo...
hmmm.. mayb im still day dreaming...
day day day dreaming...
wishing and dreaming for something that would not possibly happen?
perhaps... i dont know....
i missed u... and i've been worrying bout u as well... so..
im passing my days like normal days...
and i can sleep even better now...
God knows why...
mayb im just too tired NOT to fall asleep...
but i cant sleep now!!!!!!
im currently sick but i cant fall asleep..!!
overdose of both nicotine and caffeine i guess...
body's tired...
my mind's playing games again...
baby....
u know what? i still care bout u like how i used to be...
and i still love u like how i used to love...
urmmm...
come on...
whats the use of telling all these???
=)
get enuf sleep and rest well....
take care love.. =)
it hurts to see u like that...
don care...
heal by itself...
pls take care of urself..
u promised that u will at least take care of urself...
it hurts...
i just wana be with u and take care of u if i have the opportunity to...
aihz..
currently im freaking tired....
realli realli freaking tired as i rushed the whole night for the damn assignment..
and what... i drank like 3 cups of coffee??
2 from McD...
purchase anything from McD can get free Mcsausage burger...
not bad huh.. sat there for quite some time with my fren to take a rest from the assignment...
im realli tired..
and my mind cant stop thinking bout u...
perhaps the thing ive been asking myself whether i love or hate u,..
i think.. that im still in love wit u..
as deep as ever tho situations wont allow us to be together...
but... im missing u day and night...
i can confirm it... i realli missed u alot..
tho what i blogged before sounds realli unpleasant,
but i don know what im trying to do with my blog...
who cares...
at least i get to release my feelings...
hmmm.. better than realeasing all of it on u...
hmmm...
i wanted to ask u so much bout...
why cant u slp....?
hows ur life...?
how are u doing...?
how are u coping with your assignments...
do u still rmb me...
do u actually hate me for what i blogged...
*if u ever read it*
whatever.. i din expect aything at all baby...
just dreaming a sweet dream would be sufficient for me
ya.. im a stupid and a dumb guy..
theres even people say...
ur not my kind...
but IMO, what is who's kind?
it all depends on how we take things...
where our commitments are...
im getting realli tired..
im half sick but i still din realli get to sleep..
and yet.. my mind's alwayz thinking bout u.. all the time...
everytime... everyday.. every second... every blink of an eye...
yea i missed u...
hows u and the guy u admire is going along....
and i hope that there's none.. but...
i don think i can ask all these things anymore?
seems that uve already forgotten?
bt nvm... hope u can go on with ur life happily...
loads love n misses...
-kayLix-
hmmm guess what...
its been 2 weeks since our break up...
feels like its been quite some time...
its been years or whatever it is...
ya.. IVE been blogging heavily lately...
44 post since JULY?
this one's 45th...
too bad... ive been feeling realli emotional lately...
ya.. combination of hate and love at the same time...
how good can it be?
its the best and the worst feelings mixed up together...
like coke + coffee??
i have sleepless nites too....
ahhhh just sorry for wadeva i posted in bloggie...
if u ever read it... just sorry..
din mean to make u feel more guilty..
just that...
i hate/love you... i cant realli figure it out yet....
2 weekss...
-KayLix-
i cant stand the pain...
it hurts...
i hate it the pain so much that it had broke me
down emotionally...
i cant stand the pain...
it gives me nightmares...
it gives me pain...
it plants a fear in me....
it leaves a scar in me....
i cant stand the pain...
i just cant....
why am i faking everything out...
why..... i cant stand it anymore....
pls.... just let go of me.....
pls... i don wish to go on my life with all these.....
im scared.....
pls.... just leave me alone....
im trying all i can get to it off me... but i stil cant...
i tried to fool around...
i cant...
i tried to hate u...
i cant...
i tried not to think bout it...
i still cant...
help me... pls....
pls.. pls.... pls....... i hate all this....
im afraid of all this..........
ya.. thinking of how can this happen to me...
its like i believe alot in KARMA... what goes around surely comes around..
but ive nvr do things like that why shud i get it??
dam stupidddd lorrr....
but i believe in the KARMA....
u deserve so much more of ur past...
and u deserve even more than that...
i mean its not even enough...
ya.. be a slave or maid to sum1 else..
cuz ur jus treating urself like that..
a **** slave...
the deeper love i had...
the deeper hatred i have...
the deeper hatred i had...
the deeper love i have as well...
so is this still the love or even hatred??
i myself is already confusing myself.....
i hate that i love you...
i hate that i once loved you...
i hate that i still love u now....
i mean like... just FUCK OFF.....
to both of us....
-KayLix-
at least i can hold my head up high and say
that im faithful to the one i love... altho i might not threat them well,
at least im still faithful....
can u..?
I fall asleep by the telephone
It’s two o’clock and I’m waiting up alone
Tell me, where have you been?
I found a note with another name
You blow a kiss but it just don’t feel the same
Cause I can feel that you’re gone
I can’t bite my tongue forever, while you try to play it cool
You can hide behind your stories, but don’t take me for a fool
You can tell me that there’s nobody else (but I feel it)
You can tell me that you’re home by yourself (but I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want, but I know, I know
Your love is just a lie
It’s nothing but a lie
You look so innocent
But the guilt in your voice gives you away
Yeah, you know what I mean
How does it feel when you kiss when you know that I trust you
And do you think about me when he f**ks you?
Could you be more obscene?
So don’t try to say you’re sorry, or try to make it right
And don’t waste your breath because it’s too late, it’s too late
You can tell me that there’s nobody else
You can tell me that you’re home by yourself
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want, but I know, I know
Your love is just a lie (Lie! Lie! Lie!)
It’s nothing but a lie (Lie! Lie! Lie!)
You’re nothing but a lie
my world may seems quite empty now.. but im gonna do my best to make the best out of it WITHOUT you as well.. why be emo over someone who don realli give a damn bout me..
-KayLix-
went out yamcha til 3.30 juz now.. reached home bout that time...
quite tired but i cant seems to fall asleep...
and i wonder where's my brother...
he is not home yet! its 4!
hmmm.. don care.. so ill continue blogging...
eyes tired.. mind's energetic...
brain's starting to malfunction... body's hot...
throat's KILLING me...
yea.. sore throat.... dammnnn pain....
and...
i hate myself for loving you...
even now...
yea.. its the past... but the feelings still hold on to me this moment...
as fresh as ever...
its FRESH....
mayb its already rotten issue for u...
forgotten how things used to be...
forgetting how this started...
but nvm... im not that sad anymore...
y should i get so sad???
wasting my tears for somebody like u???
leaving me when there's troubles???
do as u like... u like to dump all sort of things to people...
unsettled... and leave it there...
simply a word Like "im not worth and i don love u anymore"
could juz dump a pack of big rubbish to sum1 else...
ya i admit i din settle any probs before, but at least i din dump the whole
fucking big pack of rubbish to someone else...
at least i din **** sum1 else?
nvm.. it wont cause u any hurt as well..
mayb for others yes..
certainly not you...
who cares???
even if i do...
SO WHAT????
yea rite... so what....
lying to myself...
so what.......
i don expect u to read this blog anymore... who cares...
i don...
do i???
-KayLix-
googled about the dream and found some answers...
brain
Dreams of this type will be fairly common among the medical practitioners, but among the rest of us undergoing such an operation can be a harbinger of a drastic lifestyle change, whether good or bad will be determined by the rest of the dream. To watch an operation you will soon hear some news from a family member or a friend, if the operation was a success it will be good news, but, if not it will be bad news.
Found no answer on the CLEAN WHITE SURGERY ROOM.
nvm.. what i found out is quite true as well...
and there's someone saying i look so pale...
how much better can i be? like u?
hmmm not to mention bout it anymore... jus fine...
-KayLix-
as i was taking my nap,
it all goes very well.. except for my back..
sunburn konon... sakit tu...
so i slept on my side...
den i fall asleep la of cuz...
slept for like an hour..
den a koko fren called.. ask me out..
din go out la.. dam tired.. hahaha
so i continue sleep...
WTF
a stupid and scary dream came to me...
i was in a HOSPITAL... looking at my own head x-ray...
ok.. guess what... its a tumour on my freaking brain and
I NEED AN URGENT operation...
so i was transfered to another place by my dream...
its another place and its so FREAKING DIRTYYYYYY.....
and the place's full of CATS... ewww i hate cats...
and i saw a cat poke another man's eyes...
i was like "wtf?? is this place im going to do my operation...?"
yea its dirty wtfed etc etc...
there and then, i entered my room... and i found that.. its bright clean...
its so clean that... it hurts my eyes... den i saw the bed im suppose to lie on...
the doctor gave me 3 sleeping pills... and..
I WOKE UP....
went for dinner.. LOL..
what does that dream means?
its quite strange...
dirty... cats... clean...
goonna google bout it.. LOL
-KayLix-
Jumper
Songwriters: Jenkins, Stephan;
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
The angry boy, a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong
You're the first to fight
You're way too loud
You're the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something's wrong
Well, everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away
Wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand
And well, he's on the table
And he's gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What they are doing here
And your friends have left you
You've been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And I, I want you to know
Everyone's got to face down the demons
Maybe today we can put the past away
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in and if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand, I would understand
I would understand
I would understand
Understand
Can you put the past away?
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
And I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
And I would understand
weeeeeeeeee~
