IFs

"overdose"... vomited like a retard....
almost everyday.... yes.. indeed retard....

back in my own house... room-alone after yamcha wit DJ n ian...
wondering why other people can mend back their relationship...
no matter what had happened... but not me...
thx ian... ill do as wad u say.... at least i wont regret about it someday...
there's so many "if 's' " in my mind...

if i haven treated u that way, it wont be like this..
if i werent this controlling, it wont happen...
if i din say words like that, it wont happen too...
so many IFs...
if u miss me, why don u say so?
if u love me, why don u say so?
if u long for me, why don u say so?
if u juz wana hear from me, why don u say so?

its i myself i cant forgive actually...
its i myself i hated....
its i myself i failed to love...
its i myself.. who put an ending like this...

i jus hate myself....


i juz threw away the best thing in my life....
i hate myself for it.............
i cant forgive myself for being a stupid idiot....
i cant forgive myself for wanting u back when i treated u like that last time....
I HATE I.... MYSELF...

-HateMyself-